The Marauders' Notes
by Gaby Black
Summary: COMPLETE! The Marauders pass notes in class. Expect crazy! Sirius, in love! James, annoyed! Lily and sarcastic! Remus. [Sirius… you’re the only clever person that I know who can successfully make everyone think they’re completely daft.]
1. Go Out With Me, Evans?

**Disclaimer: **Everything here is JK Rowling's property.

**Note: **Just a little notepassing fic. I use an OC from my story "Here With Me", Venus Vance.

So that you can make out who's speaking: **Sirius **James _Remus _Lily **_Venus_**. **Peter** will join them later. Just so you know, this begins at the end of their fifth year. Please leave a review, thanks!

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CHAPTER 1/ GO OUT WITH ME, EVANS? 

Go out with me, Evans ?

I won't even dignify that question with an answer.

**Wow that was harsh. **

_Prongs, maybe you should just stop asking her. _

But if I stop asking her, how will she able to say yes?

**She'll never say yes.**

Padfoot! You're supposed to be my friend!

**I am your frie****nd! That's precisely why I agree with Moony. Just stop that whole Evans stuff.**

I can't.

**I'm sorry to say this, but you're pathetic. Think about all the other girls you could have!**

But I want only Lily!

**You ARE pathetic. Maybe you should see one of those Muggle doctors… a psychalagit? **

_A psychologist?_

**Yeah that one.**

Go and see one yourself Padfoot.

_Yes, w__hy not? _

**Because I am not obsessed with anyone?**

You're obsessed with yourself.

**That doesn't count… does it?**** Anyway, I can get any girl in this room to go out with me!**

_That's quite easy, you've already dated half of them. How about Venus?_

Yes, do just that, you'll see what it's like for me!

**Go out with me, Vance?**

_**Fuck off, Black.**_

Ha ha! I win. At least Lily remained polite.

_Reading between the lines, I'd say she hates you._

**I don't care! I hate her too anyway. **

Yeah, sure. That was why you had that disappointed look on your face.

**I am slightly disappointed to see that ONE girl is refusing me, not especially her. I**** am not having this conversation again.**

_Whatever you say, Padfoot._

**Anyway, does anyone know when this bloody lesson end? **

_In __five minutes. _

**Thanks Moony. Now what am I going to do for**** five minutes?**

_How about…taking notes?_

**Moony… you're hopeful, even after five years of knowing me!**

_Well I can still try._

By the way, I can't see why Evans says I ask her out all the time. Last time I did it was just before I took off Snivellus's pants, and that was one week ago!

**A happy memory, that one! **

_Stop laughing, guys. It's not funny._

**Yes, it is! Don't you remember Snivellus's face? Ha ha. I couldn't stop laughing for hours afterwards.**

_The bell's ringing… God bless it._


	2. Lily Hates Me

CHAPTER 2/ LILY HATES ME

Lily hates me.

**Now **_**that**_**'s a piece of news !**

I love it when you make fun of my misery…

_Well you can't deny that we already knew that._

Yeah, but she told me so just before this class started.

**Ah, that's why you look like you broke your broomstick or something.**

_Prongs, for the umpteenth time, don't you think she wouldn't despise you so much if you just left her alone? It's common sense, basically._

And for the umpteenth time, Moony, I just can't!

**He can't help it, Moony!**

Laughing at poor James is a cruel thing to do, Padfoot.

**Talking about yourself in the third person now?**

Don't ask. It's probably just Lily driving me crazy.

**This girl possesses astonishing powers.**

_Indeed. Shouldn't we tell her about it?_

**Perhaps if she knew, she wouldn't use them so much on "poor James"?**

You're both stupid, snickering bastards, you know that?

**Now that's being unfair to Moony.**

_Thanks, Padfoot. Coming from you, it surely means a lot._

**You're welcome.**

Anyway, why's that Hufflepuff girl staring at you?

**Can't you guess?**

How you can manage with all these girls, I'll never understand.

**T****here's nothing to understand. I'm just naturally gifted.**

_Please don't get him started on this._

**Oh come on! We've still got half an hour before this bloody Charms lesson ends.**

Well I happen to like Charms.

_Which also happens to be Lily's favourite class. _

See, we've got the same tastes.

**Enough on Miss Evans now!! Why is she scowling at me now?**

_Because you said that aloud, Sirius…_

Great. Now she must think you're obsessed with her too.

**Which is quite the contrary.**

It won't change much, because she never liked you anyway.

**Rubbish. Every girl likes me.**

Lily doesn't. And smiling at her like you want to rape her won't change anything. I think she finds it quite disturbing.

**How would you know that?**

_Isn't her mouthing "are you mental?" clear enough for you?_

**So that was what she meant! I can't lip-read. ****Anyway, this girl is definitely weird. I really can't see why she doesn't like me.**

Think every girl likes you? I'll prove you wrong.

**Hey, why** **are you sending Vance a note?**

_Isn't she a good example? Are you saying she's not a girl?_

**I can't say that… but I'm still against the idea!**

I asked her if she liked you and she replied: "I like him so much I want to marry him right after we've left Hogwarts and then have many children and live with him happily ever after."

**I daresay this lady is being ironic. **


	3. James's Girlfriend

Thanks for the reviews. Just so you know, they are at the end of their fifth year now.

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CHAPTER 3/ JAMES'S GIRLFRIEND

**When**** is the FM ?**

The what ?

**You know what. The thing Moony doesn't want us to write anywhere in case somebody reads it.**

Ah, that.

_The FM is two days away. Sometimes, Padfoot, you make me write such ridiculous things. _

**Well, don't you think we should pull a nice little prank before Moony can't? **

Why a little one?

**I never need to wonder why you are my friend, Prongs. A big prank, if you prefer.**

On Snape.

**Of course. There was no need adding that.**

_Couldn't we prank someone else? Snape isn't quite the right person to prank after the Whomping Willow accident. And, when I refer to it as an accident, I'm being too fair to you, Sirius._

**We're not going into that again. Please.**

Alright, we won't prank Snape.

_For the first time in my life, I feel listened to._

**Stop it, Moony, I'm crying. **

Anyway, we should prank other Slytherins.

**Pity Malfoy**** graduated two years ago. I'm missing pulling pranks on him.**

_Me too._

**Really, Moony? You surprise me. You're not usually too keen on any special target on our pranks.**

_Well I do hate Malfoy. _

**And James and I hate Snape. It's as simple as that. **

I really can't understand how on earth Evans can be friends with him. The mere idea of being friends with him is simply disgusting.

**I don't think Evans is completely sane, Prongs. You should find yourself another girl. **

Well, I forced myself to do so. It wasn't exactly easy.

**It can't be more unpleasant that running your hand through Snape's hair, can it?**

_Well done, you managed to make Prongs vomit__ in the middle of McGonagall's speech.. _

**He's so sensitive. **

Fuck. You.

_The image, I've got to admit, was rather revolting. _

**Anyway, what girl did you ask out, Prongs?**

Fuck. You.

**She sounds nice.**

_You're such a git._

**I saw you laughing, Moony.**

_James isn't laughing though. You should leave him alone for a while._

**Yes, his face is still slightly green. **

Took me five minutes to recover, you moron. And don't ever mention Snape's hair again.

**I promise you I won't. Or at least, I'll try not to. So, who's the lucky girl? **

Lisa Osbourne. She's a sixth year.

**Oh yeah, the substitute for the Hufflepuffs' Seeker?**

Precisely.

**Man, she looks hot. And I haven't even dated her yet.**

Yet? Thanks.

**Come on, Prongs, like it will last for over a month.**

_Who knows? Everyone's not like you, Sirius._

**Yes, I've realized that. It's such a pity.**

_Sometimes, one just feels like killing you, you know that?_

**I know, but then I make it up by being irresistibly charming and one forge****ts about their murder impulses. **

_Don't stare at me like I'm your next date. It__'s unnerving._

**See, Moony, you have completely forgotten that one minute ago you felt like killing me.**


	4. A Library Conversation

¤** author's note ¤** Many thanks to those who left a review! These are the very last days of fifth year.

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CHAPTER 4/ A LIBRARY CONVERSATION

_**You're sure you don't mind?**_

Yes.

_**Quite sure?**_

Venus, for the thousandth time, I do not care about whoever James Potter is dating. 

_**Alright, alright…**_

Besides, I am dating Fabian. I don't care about anybody else. He's great. 

_**Yes, but next year he will no longer be in Hogwarts. **_

So what?

_**Do you really believe in long-distance relationships? **_

I don't think about that kind of things. Right now I'm only concerned about our OWLS. 

_**Obsessed, you mean. **_

Just leave me alone, I'm trying to study.

_**Okay, well I'm not going to… been studying for two hours already, enough is enough. James, you will write me, won't you?**_

Sure.

_**Fancy seeing you here. I don't think I've ever seen you in the library.**_

I happen to visit sometimes. I don't remember ever seeing you here, either.

_**Good point. I really wish Lily would go out with you, rather than with Prewett; he's not that bad, really, but…**_

But he is not me.

_**Exactly**_

**Are you declaring your love for James here? **

_**Why are you interested?**_

That will keep him quiet for two minutes.

_Thank you._

_**You're welcome, Remus. I know you're quite good too at making him shut up.**_

You should make a contest.

Potter…

Yes?

Stop writing notes in the library.

You are.

What?

You are writing notes in the library.

If words could strangle people, mine would certainly be strangling you right now.

Words strangling people? Sometimes you've got weird thoughts, Evans. But I must commend you for your imagination.

_**She doesn't even want to write back.**_

Doesn't surprise me.

_**I'm sorry. **_

It's okay, I'm used to it.

_**You must really fancy her. **_

Yes, I think I do.

**You THINK? ****Prongs, you're so funny.**

Won't you even leave me what little is left of my dignity?

**Bear with me. The only entertaining thing at the moment is to make fun of your crush on ****Evans. There's nothing else I can think of doing.**

_**How about leaving? **_

**Oh, why do you always have to break my heart with every word you say?**

_**Black, you don't have a heart.**_

**If I don't, I wonder how the hell I'm able to breathe.**

_**That was a metaphor…**_

**I knew that, who do you take me for?**

_The cleverest of you two should end this stupid, pointless argument._

**Oh, then I must end it. **

She's not replying.

_Then perhaps she is the cleverest?_

**Moony, if you ****do not feel like having dog fangs planted in your calf, I suggest you take back what you just wrote.**

_I think I'll pass, thanks. I take it back. _

**Good boy. **


	5. If You're Looking For Trouble

**¤ author's note ¤** Thanks for the reviews! Hope you like that chapter, it was fun writing. By the way, this is the beginning of their sixth year, and **Peter** writes a little bit.

I've created a C2 community called **A Marauder's Romance**. If you want to join the staff just ask me!

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CHAPTER 5/ IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE...

**I'm so hot.**

_Yes, it's unusually hot for a September day. _

**Do you reckon McGonagall will mind if I take off my shirt?**

I don't think she will.

**Yeah, I've always thought she had kind of a crush on me.**

_Sirius! I can't believe you did it!_

**The look on her face was really worth the two hours of detention I'll get! I'm sure she loved it.**** And the other females did, too.**

_You're so macho... _

Hey, Venus, I heard Lily went over to Fabian's house this summer.

_**That's right.**__** By the way, Black, I've got to admit you've got a nice chest.**_

**Thank you. ****Yours isn't bad either.**

… _**I won't even give you the pleasure of retaliating.**_

Anyway… I just want to kill Fabian. He's dating Lily, he's two years older than us and he's now training to be an Auror. I hate him!

_**That makes a lot of reasons, James. Personally, I think he's nice, but I don't think Lily is that infatuated with him. I don't expect them to last much longer. I see you're not dating Lisa any more.**_

Nope. She broke up with me over a month ago.

_**Really? Why?**_

I think she cared more for me than I did for her. But mainly, it's because I accidentally called her Lily.

_**You didn't do that!**_

Don't laugh! It was pretty horrible.

_**Yes, I can understand that she took it badly.**_

Not my fault if their first names are so much alike. Anyway, I'm single and available now!

_**No need to write this, Lily is not reading over my shoulder.**_

I thought she might be.

_**She's trying to convince me that she doesn't give a damn about what we're talking about, but it's not working. **_

Thank you. You're the only one who believes Lily and I will end up together.

_**Really? Doesn't Mr Black think so? **_

Not really. Most of the time, he makes fun of me.

**Don't try to sound like a martyr, it doesn't fit you.**

_**We didn't ask for your opinion, dear Sirius. **_

**Dear Sirius? I'm going to vomit. **

_Somehow I don't think McGonagall would like that. _

**You never know until you try.**

_Sometimes you scare me, Padfoot._

**I'm glad I do. I wouldn't like to be an uninteresting guy. **

Well we've got to admit, you're nothing close to uninteresting.

**Thank you, Prongs. It reminds me about this prank we talked about yesterday. **

Everything is set up.

**Great! I can't wait. How about you, Moony?**

_I can't wait either._

**I can feel your enthusiasm…**

_And I can feel your irony. No, really, I think it will be fun. _

**What is the prank about? You imagine so many pranks, I can barely keep up with every new one.**

**We're going to charm the portrait of the Fat Lady so that she'll only be able to say: "If you're looking for trouble, you've come to the right place!"**

And we'll have fireworks cast from her portrait, too.

**Sounds really cool!**

**I can't wait to see McGonagall's face. When she sees that, she'll just have to admit her feelings for me. **

_Whatever you say, Padfoot._

**You know, sometimes it worries me, the number of females that fancy me. I can't please everyone, now, can I?**

_Prongs, please kill him._

**Minerva will not allow that.**

We'll see. What's that you said, "you never know until you try"…?


	6. An Evil Mastermind

**¤ author's note ¤** Thank you to all the reviewers, especially the ones who pointed out their favourite bits! I love that, it helps. Hope you keep on reading & reviewing! It really makes me want to update quicker.

This chapter is dedicated to **rekahneko**for reviewing all the chapters with constructive reviews:)

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CHAPTER 6/ AN EVIL MASTERMIND

**Hey ****Moony, what are you doing?**

_Playing ukulele._

**What?**

_I'm taking bloody notes, Padfoot! Can't you see that?_

**Oh, it's your time of the month, isn't it?**

_STOP CALLING IT THAT. I am not a girl._

**Still you sound like one. Anyway, ****what the hell is a ukulele?**

**I think you should leave him alone.**

**Probably. I'll write**** to Prongs then. You're looking happy today, Prongs.**

Yeah! Halloween's coming up! I like Halloween.

_Yes, sure. So it has nothing to do with Lily's breaking up with Fabian?_

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

**You little liar.**

I told you about my dignity and my wish to keep it.

_I think you lost it a long time ago, James._

**Ha ha! Good one, Moony. **

Anyway, when you guys are done laughing stupidly, I'll be able to talk to you about the very serious subject of Halloween pranks.

**I've always thought Halloween was the coolest thing the Muggles ever invented.**

We have to mark it as a special day, so that it will be known forever as the Marauders' Day!

_I'm afraid you're going a little bit too far in the megalomania, Prongs. _

**We should do something about the ghosts.**

**And don't forget that it's also McGonagall's birthday.**

I've always found it hilarious that she of all people was born on October, 31st.

_What are you planning to do, Padfoot? Send her roses? A love poem, perhaps?_

That was priceless, Moony. You should have seen your face, Padfoot! I'm still laughing.

**No one takes me seriously.**

_If I were you, I'd ask myself the reason why. _

**Maybe it's because of my name?**

_Sirius… you're the __only clever person that I know who can successfully make everyone think they're completely daft._

**Um… I'll take it as a compliment.**

I'm not sure you should. I completely agree with Moony, though.

**Well you're saying I'm clever. That's a compliment, isn't it?**

_You're doing it again, Padfoot…_

**Don't complain, it always makes you smile.**

_As much as I hate to admit it, it does._

**So, Mr Prefect, aren't you going to lecture us for planning Halloween pranks?**

_If you stopped calling me Mr Prefect, that would be a good start._

**Oh, Moony! Please don't take all the fun out of my life!**

LILY IS SINGLE! LILY IS SINGLE! LILY IS SINGLE! Here, feel better now?

**No.**

I do.

**So… now that she's single, I expect her to agree to go out with you, right?**

_Oh… mean, mean Padfoot.__ You need to practise your Machiavellian laughter, though. You still sounded a little like a dog._

**I am an evil mastermind. **

_An evil mastermind who in two minutes' time will be begging James to forgive him…_


	7. Lily's Strange Infatuation With Beetles

¤ **author's note ¤ **Thank you very much for the reviews!

Just to remind you: **Sirius** _Remus_ James Lily. December of their 6th year.

This chapter is dedicated to **albe-chan**, hoping this will contribute to satisfy your craving for J/L banter!

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CHAPTER 7/ OF LILY'S STRANGE INFATUATION WITH BEETLES 

Lily's friend Mary told me Lily loved the Beatles.

**Evans loves beetles? That's really, really weird, even for Evans. ****Moony, I think James misspelled the word 'beetle'. **

_He didn't… He wasn't speaking about the insects, but about Lily's favourite Muggle band, the Beatles._

**Don't you laugh at me! I couldn't know about that. You could, because your mum is Muggle-born.**

Don't worry Padfoot, I didn't know about them until Mary told me. Anyway, I was thinking about buying Lily a Christmas present that has to do with those Beatles. Mary was kind enough to enlighten me about where I could find one, since I don't know any Muggle store.

_That's a good idea._

Mary told me Lily's favourite Beatle was Paul, whoever he is.

_They call him the cute Beatle. _

Sounds like me: I'm the cute Marauder, aren't I?

**What? **

_Padfoot is highly offended._

**I'll let you be the cute Marauder if I get to be the sexy Marauder.**

Well no one here thinks you're sexy.

**No one here thinks you're cute, either.**

Okay, good point.

_This argument is completely pointless. _

**They are the best ones. ****Because if we weren't arguing without reason, what would we be doing?**

_Taking notes?_

**Exactly. Get my point?**

_Perfectly._

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[Two weeks later, on the first day of classes of 1977… 

Hello, Evans! Liked my present?

I cannot accept it, Potter.

Why not? You don't like it?

Yes. That's the point.

I really don't understand you.

Well, you know, you're James Potter…

I get it so far.

Doing something thoughtful. Offering me a Muggle gift you knew I'd like.

What's bad about that?

You're not supposed to do that. You're supposed to say 'Merry Christmas, Evans! I am your Christmas gift!' or something stupid along those lines. 

To be totally honest… I almost said it when I gave you the present.

Now, you see what I meant? I'm glad you are honest, though. It makes things much easier for me.

Wait, Evans! You're not going to give it back to me, are you? Why waste a book full of er… fascinating Beatles photographs? You can just pretend it was a friend of yours who gave it to you. I don't mind, as long as you keep it.

That's it, Potter.

What? What did I do again?

The Beatles stole the last remainders of your dignity, if you ever had one.

You have no idea how much that hurt, Evans… Still, can I be the cute Marauder?

No way. You can be Ringo, if you want.

Whoever that Ringo is, I've got a feeling it wasn't a compliment.

For once you got it, Potter.

Do you think you could humiliate me even more?

I don't think so. I believe you just hit rock bottom.

I'm glad I made your day.


	8. In Denial

**¤ author's note ¤ Sirius** James **Peter**. Moony is in the hospital wing in this chapter, hope you don't miss him too much!

This chapter is dedicated to: **AwanBlack **for being a Spanish sweetheart (_who_ said that was an arbitrary reason? lol).

If you'd like, like Rebekah (aka **rekahneko**) who has the honour to be Sirisu's current girl, to have your name mentioned in coming chapters, just leave me a sweet, detailed review and I'll see what I can do! Thank you very much to everyone who left one.

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CHAPTER 8/ IN DENIAL 

**I did not.**

You so did.

**I did not.**

**Did not what ?**

**James supposedly heard me saying something in my sleep. ****Something that I would never say.**

I heard Sirius say in his sleep, "Kiss me again, Venus!".

**You're making this up.**

I'm not lying! You sounded like you were quite enjoying yourself…

**I didn't hear anything.**

**Aha! Thank you Wormtail.**

That's because you were sleeping; I wasn't.

**And, of course, you're the only witness, since Moony is in the hospital wing.**** How convenient.**

I feel truly offended that you are suggesting I am lying. I never lie.

**That is a lie, Prongs. **

Ok, maybe I was a little bit too general in my statement. But I never lie to you.

**I think James is telling the truth.**

**Even if it was true, which I'm still denying, it doesn't mean anything. It's just a dream, after all. Or a nightmare, more likely.**

Believe me, it didn't sound like a nightmare at all.

**Stop sniggering.**** Besides, I'd like to point out that I don't need Vance because I've got a girlfriend, and a very nice one. **

What's her name?

**Rebekah.**

It took you almost one minute to remember it…

**Well at least I don't 'accidentally' call her by another girl's name, like someone with messy hair whose name I won't mention did. **

Whatever you'll say, I'll still say: Padfoot is in denial! Padfoot is in denial! Oh I just can't wait to tell Moony.

**Speaking of him, he comes back from the hospital wing after classes, right?**

Don't change the subject.

**Oh yes, I will. I was wondering, if you had to chose, would you rather keep your right eye or your left eye?**

Padfoot, what kind of question is that?

**No one can possibly answer that, can they?**

**I can. I'd rather keep my right eye.**

**Why?**

**Because my right eye is a tiny bit darker than my left eye. It took me years of staring at myself in the mirror to notice it though. Just a slightly darker shade of grey.**** Rebekah told me she found it fascinating, and I must say I quite agree with her.**

Oh, that's right. I'd never noticed it.

**Did you have to be so close to my face to see it? Our noses could almost touch. Did you see McGonagall's face?**

Yes, I had to. I'm shortsighted, remember?

**Great. ****Now everyone is going to think we're gay.**

With you running around snogging anything that wears a skirt, I'd be surprised.

**If you were gay, Padfoot, you would definitely be with Moony.**

**Right… for your sake, Peter, let's just pretend that wasn't weird.**

I do miss Moony, though.

**Yeah, me too.**

Will you tell me something to reassure me in my masculinity?

**Sure, just look at Evans. Haven't you noticed that she's wearing a slightly shorter skirt today? She's looking gorgeous.**

Thank you, Padfoot. I feel much better. You didn't mean that, though, did you?

**Erm, yes… Please don't hit me!**

You said you'd rather keep your right eye? That can be done.


	9. Bantering Matches

**¤ author's note ¤** About this chapter: the prank I'm referring to here is the one Sirius pulls on Venus and Lily in Here With Me's chapter 4. He colours their hair in the colour they like least. I'm not too confident about this chapter, but I hope you like it anyway, and the next one will be better.

About the story, I've noticed something: I get almost all the reviews on the day that I update. For example, I updated 3 days ago and haven't had any review for 2 days, but there were more and more hits to the story. _Please_ leave a review! It really makes my day and takes you just a few seconds!

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CHAPTER 9/ BANTERING MATCHES 

**So, Prongs, how many years left before you get to have green-eyed little monsters with Evans?**

Shut up. And I'm being polite.

**Oh come on! Are you still angry with me for colouring the girls' hair?  
**

How observant of you.

**That was one week ago!**

Lily hates me even more ever since, no matter how many times I tell her that it was your idea and that I was against it.

**It's not my fault she doesn't believe you, you know. I'm ready to take all the blame because this prank was really funny. **

Try to tell her then.

**Hey, Evans. ****Just to tell you that James really didn't take part to the prank. It was only me. You know just how much of an evil mastermind Sirius Black is. **

How dare you send notes to me?

**Er… is that a rhetorical question?**

_**Yes, you idiot!**_

**Vance! When are you giving me back my wand? I'm afraid I'll have to tell a teacher if you don't. ****One day they'll notice I don't have it anyway.**

_**I don't know where it is. I don't care, either.**__** Why don't you ask your precious little girlfriend, or should I say groupie? That is, if she can manage not to faint when you talk to her.**_

**Are you jealous of Rebekah?**

_**Why would I be jealous of a girl who would probably jump from the Astronomy Tower if you asked her to?**_

**Wouldn't you do it?**

I am presently wondering: who is worse, you or Potter?

_**Black. **_

**That was a rhetorical question, Vance.**

_**Why don't you just leave us alone?**_

**Alright, alright! Though I've got to admit she's right about the Astronomy Tower thing. Some girls are ready to do anything for me.**

_Have you ever heard about something called modesty? Oh wait, I don't think you have._

**Won't you all stop being angry with me? My life is no fun without you. **

Alright, Padfoot... But I thought you'd got it that you should not prank Lily.

**I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist. I promise I won't do it again.**

_Given the number of times you've made this promise, I don't know if it's really worth something. _

**I'm afraid I don't have anything clever to say to that. You've won, Moony.**

_Good. _

That makes it 47 to 12 for Moony.

**What? **

I've been keeping count of your 'bantering matches' since fourth year. Moony has won 47 times and you, only 12.

_Do I get to have a medal or something?_

You've made Sirius lose, isn't that enough of an award?

_Yes, you're right. _

**Do I suck that much at bantering?**

_Oh no, you're quite good. I'm just much better than you. If you competed against Prongs or Wormtail, you'd probably win. _

Moony! Where are we going if you have a big head too?

**Arg! Your modesty was our greatest gift in this world! I couldn't stand it if you started thinking you're better than me! **

_That's very nice of you to say... You think you're better than me? _

I'm sure he didn't mean it like that, Moony. You know how Padfoot is, he probably wrote before thinking.

**Please, Moony, don't sulk! **

_Yes I will._

**Please! Alright, I admit I'm a shameless, big-headed bastard!**

_Ah. Maybe I won't sulk then. _

**Do you realize the things I have to say sometimes to keep your friendship?**

_Yes, I do. Knowing that it's so hard for you to say it just makes it even more precious._

**You're just an evil little wolf. **

_If I'm evil, I wonder what you are._

**I am the Devil. **

_Okay... 47 to 13._


	10. Stealing Moony's Lines

**¤ author's note ¤** Thanks so much for the reviews! Just to remind you: **Sirius** James Lily _Remus_ _**Venus**_** Peter**.

This chapter is dedicated to Allison aka **albe-chan**, thanks for all the enthusiastic reviews! Allison appears here as Allison Prewett, younger sister of Fabian, Gideon and Molly Prewett, seventh year from Hufflepuff. Hope you like it!

* * *

CHAPTER 10/ STEALING MOONY'S LINES 

_Hello, Venus. Excuse me for bothering you during this very interesting lesson._

_**Don't worry, I think I'll forgive you one day...**_

_I just wanted to ask you, did you know that Sirius broke up with Rebekha? _

_**Save your ink, Remus. I couldn't care less.**_

_That's not what Allison told me._

_**Allison Prewett? What would she know about it?**_

_Well she's in our year, isn't she? She knows you a little. She must have heard it from someone that you were jealous._

_**It's true that Hufflepuffs are fond of gossiping. **_

_Not Allison so much. _

_**Oh really?**_

_Why are you smiling?_

_**Because you are blushing and I find it extremely cute. **_

_You do realize this just makes me blush even more?_

_**Yes, I do. **_

**I must admit, you're not like any other girl.**

_**I suppose I should thank you.**_

**You're much worse.**

_**I suppose I should not thank you.**_

**For once, I agree with you.**

_**Let's just ignore this twit. I don't want to go to Azkaban because of him. Anyway, Remus, you're dating Allison or what?**_

_You're so much like Sirius, you know that? _

Remus, that was definitely not the good thing to say. 

_Sorry, just couldn't resist teasing her a little, since she teased me._

She's pretending to listen to Slughorn now. It would have been credible had he not been talking about what he had for lunch. 

Don't you find it to be of the utmost interest?

Not really, Potter.

You disappoint me, Lily. Sirius and I think that so far it's the most interesting Potions class we've ever had.

That must be because your stomachs are twice as intelligent as your brains. 

_That was a great one! Prongs, I should really start arbitring bantering matches between Lily and you._

Are you crazy? She would probably beat me by 150 to 0. I'd rather not be even more humiliated. What are you thinking about, Padfoot? You're uncharacteristically silent.

_It's not a bad thing. _

**My cheek still hurts from the slap Rebekha gave me. **

Well you could have found a smoother way to break up with her, really.

_You surprise me, Prongs! Don't you think that "I definitely have better things to do with my precious time," is smooth enough? _

**Oh shut up, you two. Next time you'll do the breaking up for me, Moony, won't you? Now what's going on with Allison Prewett?**

_Nothing._

**Aha! I saw you blushing, Moony! You've got a crush on her! Moony's got a crush!**** Moony's got a crush!**

I somehow fear he's going to sing that aloud. I sympathise, dear Moony.

**Moony's got a crush?**

_No I don't!_

**You so do! **

_We're not going into that again. Please._

**Does she like you too?**

_Since you insist, I think she does._

**You realize you've just admitted you liked her, don't you?**

_Of course, Padfoot. I'm not an idiot. _

**Just checking.**

_I'll tell you when I think I need you to test my intelligence, thank you._

**Great. I'd love to do that. **

Now please stop writing to us, Padfoot. I'd like to be able to listen to what Slughorn's saying about that potion thing.

**Prongs... **

Alright, stop raising your eyebrow! It's scary. How do you manage to raise only one eyebrow at a time anyway? I can't do it! Bloody hell.

**Prongs...**

Okay! I want you to stop writing so I can stare at Lily peacefully! Happy now?

**That was much more convincing. I'll tell you when I think I need you to test my intelligence, thank you.**

Great. Now just leave me alone. I've got staring to do.

**Okay. I leave you to this very important business.**

And, Padfoot?

**Yes?**

Stop stealing Moony's lines.

* * *

**¤ author's note ¤** If this made you laugh/smile (and even if it didn't!) _please_ leave a review! Thanks in advance, especially if you point out your favourite lines! I was wondering, for the next chapters, what do you like most: J/L banter, Sirius and Venus in denial, Sirius's craziness or Remus's sarcasticness? 


	11. Annoying Sarcasticness

_The author, as she knows that I am the only reliable person here, entrusted me with apologizing for the slight delay, and with saying that she has had Internet problems, whatever that is._

**On behalf on our beloved author, we would also like to warmly thank everyone who left a review. (Yay! Now 111!)**

And everyone who participated to the little poll.

**Ha ha! I loved this poll! Vance lost. Someone even thought she was bo-ring!**

_They thought you were cra-zy..._

**They like my craziness. Anything to please my fans.**

How come they like me and Lily bantering? Do they enjoy seeing me suffer? They don't like me... If anyone asks, I'm in the lake drowning. I'll be right back.

_Of course they love you Prongs. They probably think that it's funny to see the many different ways Lily rejects you, and I must agree with them, sorry._

**Only one reader mentioned me. How am I supposed to feel?**

Neglected?

**I'd say, rejected.**

_Anyway, I won the poll, with my sarcasticness! Which makes me a little afraid actually, because what if I want to say something that's not sarcastic? Will they stop loving me?_

**Yes.**

Don't listen to Padfoot, Moony. Don't be so insecure! Anyway, I suggest we move on to the story before anyone kills themselves.

* * *

CHAPTER 11/ ANNOYING SARCASTICNESS 

**Have you guys seen this huge, horrible spot on my chin?**

_Oh sweet Merlin... this is the end of the world as we know it!_ _Seriously, don't exaggerate, Padfoot. It's not that big; I had not even noticed it._

**That's because you never look at people properly.**

_What's that supposed to mean?_

**Erm... I don't know. **

_The spot must be preventing you from thinking._

**It must be. It's so big. **

_Again, don't exaggerate..._

Sirius? Exaggerate? Never!

**Ha ha. You have no idea how much you're funny, Prongs.**

Believe me, I do.

**Anyway, you just can't imagine what I'm going through at the moment. My life is over! I don't know what to do.**

_I really don't know how you have the nerve to say that, knowing that tonight I'll have problems much graver than that._

Really puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

**If you say so.**

**Come on, Pad. Don't be so upset because of a stupid spot!**

**You can't understand the damage it can do to such a handsome face.**

_No need to insult our looks. _

**Did he insult our looks? How so?**

Nerver mind, Peter...

_You know, Sirius, making fun of people is easy._

**And it's funny, too.**

_You really have a gift for saying the most unpredictable things. _

**Moony, just wondering... are you being sarcastic? Sometimes I really can't tell.**

_Sometimes I can't tell either._

Again, we can't quite tell.

**Stop it! You're giving me a headache.**

_Do you want me to make wild gestures with my hands when I'm being sarcastic, so you can tell?_

**That would certainly help.**

_Oh, really..._

I think that means Moony was being sarcastic, Padfoot.

**Oh, fuck it. But he didn't make the gestures, how could I tell?**

If he doesn't stop rolling his eyes after reading what you wrote, he will definitely have problems with said eyes.

**You're right. That's quite worrying. I think we should stop writing him.**

Hello, Lily. I have a question for you.

Great.

How can you tell when a person is being sarcastic?

Now that's a spiffing question. SO much more interesting than what Flitwick is saying at the moment.

I believe so.

Potter... just look at me.

I always look at you, Lily, no need to ask me.

Ug. I'll ignore this. If you had really looked at me you could have told I was being sarcastic.

Okay... I think I got it. By the way, I believe that your being sarcastic is a great improvement in our relationship.

How so, Potter? I'm curious to know, and NO I'm not being sarcastic! I take back what I said before about you having to look at me. Just don't.

Well if you're sarcastic you say things that you don't think, right? But I can just pretend that what you are saying is what you really think. Like you thought my question was interesting.

I always wonder when I wake up, will Potter be able to annoy me even more today? And I say to myself, no, he can't possibly do that. But you know what? You always succeed.

Really? You think about me every morning??

I can't believe you just ignored the rest of my words, you stupid, annoying prat! Just leave me alone.

Padfoot! Lily said she thought about me every morning when she wakes up! Isn't that wonderful?

**Oh, yes it is! My heart has almost stopped beating at the news!**

Why are you making wild gestures with your hands? Flitwick is looking at you as if you're mad; not that you aren't mad, but... Oh, I got it, you were being sarcastic, weren't you?

**Exactly! **

What's it with all the sarcasticness? My head aches. Padfoot, why are you becoming sarcastic too? Arg. Ah, Wormtail! At least someone who definitely isn't. Thank you! I love you!

**Er... thank you, Prongs.**

That's refreshing. I don't ever want to talk again to Moony, Padfoot and Lily.

**You don't want to talk with Lily?**

No. I think we'll just spend all our time kissing, so I don't have to hear her saying fucking sarcastic comments. That will be heaven.

* * *

**¤ author's note ¤** Hope you liked this chapter, and hope you were confused by all the sarcasticness! lol. So, yeah, Remus's sarcasticness has won the poll, yay for Moony! I don't know when I'll update next because I'm working, but I hope I'll have some inspiration. If you have any ideas, they are of course welcome! 

Now you know what do do... _submit review_... :D


	12. Sirius's Moral Issue

**¤ author's note ¤** Thank you very much for the reviews! It's great to have so many. Hope you keep on reading & reviewing. I actually wrote this chapter like two weeks ago, I hope you'll like it.

Please r&r my latest fanfic **April Madness **(featuring the Marauders, Lily & Venus). Check out my profile if you want to know what Venus looks like (I also posted there the best lines from this story, if you want to read them again!). Oh, and I'll let the Marauders write a few words at the end of the chapter ;)

* * *

CHAPTER 12/ SIRIUS'S MORAL ISSUE

**I'm having a big moral issue.**

Sirius Black having a moral issue?

**That would be a first. **

Do you even know what the word moral means?

**Sometimes I wonder if you really are my friends, the way you treat me…**

Come on, Padfoot, we were joking.

**Stop it with the puppy eyes.**

**Those always work. Anyway, as I was saying before you made fun of me, I'm having a big moral issue.**

And, pray tell, what is this moral issue?

**Something involving a girl, probably.**

**Nope. It is something much graver.**

You're worrying me, Padfoot.

**I'll just write two words for you to understand: Moony. Chocolate.**

**Oh… you're in trouble.**

Definitely. What have you done exactly?

**Well, you know that Moony keeps a reserve of chocolate under his bed…**

**Who doesn't know it?**

**Yesterday when he was in the hospital wing, after classes I was really hungry and I don't know… the chocolate seemed to call me.**

Sure, Padfoot…

**Moony is going to kill you when he finds out.**

**I know.** **This is my moral issue: should I or should I not tell him?**

You know him, Padfoot... He'll find out anyway, one way or the other. You should tell him as soon as possible.

**I suppose you're right. ****This is where you come in. I was wondering if you guys could back me up and say that we ate it together?**

Sirius!

**I don't want to die a slow, painful death!**

**Please! He'll be much more lenient if he thinks we all did it.**

Alright, alright… but you'll owe me.

**You scare me when you have that evil glint in your eyes. I don't even want to wonder what I'll have to do to repay you. Are you in it too, Wormy?**

**Okay. **

**Thank you. One last thing, I don't look suspicious, do I?**

Padfoot. You always look suspicious.

**That will certainly help me. Now, time to tell Moony… wish me luck.**

Good luck. And I suggest you burn that paper, so that he doesn't know you are actually the only one to blame…

* * *

**Hey Moony!**

_What do you want, Padfoot? You need my help to listen to Slughorn or what?_

**I see, you're in a mood. I'm not lucky.**

_I__'m in need of chocolate…_

**Oh. You already know, then. **

_As soon as I got back from the hospital wing last night I saw that almost all my chocolate was gone. When I saw your guilty expression this morning, I figured it out._

**Then you had the time to think about my punishment.**

_Exactly._

**Now you have the same evil glint in your eyes than James usually has… that's definitely not good.**

_Don't you want to know what your punishment is, Padfoot?_

**I'm not sure I want to know. **

_I am in a sadistic mood._

**Please, Moony! Have mercy on me! **

_Why don't you go tell Venus you're desperately in love with her?_

**What? No way! I'm not doing that.**

_If you don't, I will._

**Please, Moony! Pretty please! Puppy-eyed please! I'll do anything else!**

_The bell is ringing. I believe you know what to do, Sirius._

**Once I've told her, please collect the remains of my body and bury them in the Forbidden Forest.**

_I will, Padfoot. You're rather lucky; death by chocolate is a noble way to die._

**Goodbye, Moony. You've always been a good friend. I loved you as much as I loved myself.**

_It's not working, Sirius! Just go and tell her._

Ouch… that must have hurt.

_Yes, that was definitely not a girly slap. Will you give me a hand for the Forbidden Forest?_

Sure. I believe we owe Padfoot a last gesture.

* * *

**Gaby, and we, Marauders, would like to thank every one who left a review. Which makes me wonder... why is her penname Gaby Black? I don't think I've married her. I mean, I'd remember it. Unless, of course, I was very, very drunk... But surely, you would remember it, Moony?**

_Yes, I would, and no, you never married her. Though I've got a feeling she wouldn't be against it..._

**Moony, will you be my brain?**

_What? Excuse me, I've lost my Sirius decoding device, which is, as we all know, both highly sophisticated and essential if one is attached to one's sanity. _

**Anyway... what I meant is you always seem to remember everything, and you certainly have an astouding capacity to produce sarcastic lines that people love. I'm asking you, will you be my brain?**

Are you sure you don't mean, « will you be my wife? »?

_You're both out of your minds. How Gaby can have the nerve to leave me with two escaped patients from St Mungo's psychiatric department, I'll never understand. I know she loves you, Sirius, but there are limits. _

**Aw don't be jealous, Moony darling!**

Watch out, Padfoot. There are actually many people out there, including our very own writer, who believe you and Moony would make a great couple.

**Oh, I was only joking, people... You know me.**

_Anyway everybody knows he's in love with Venus..._

**I know what I'm going to do, Moony. After I've killed you, I'll replace my brain with yours.**

_And what would you do with your brain?_

**I'd give it to Peter. He might find it useful.**


	13. The Importance Of Being Serious

CHAPTER 13/ THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING SERIOUS

Padfoot, don't you think you should have your hair cut?

_Feeling suicidal today, Prongs?_

**You know how he is with his hair.**

**If any of you had hair like mine, you'd understand. **

Thank you. My hair feels insulted.

**It should; it's hopelessly messy. Mine isn't. It's perfectly in place, soft and shiny. **

Of course… but doesn't it bother you when you play Quidditch? Doesn't it get into your eyes?

_Sirius's hair. Quidditch. If any of you mentions Lily or pranks, I'll think we'll be having the most original conversation we've ever had…_

**I'm the one who should be sarcastic. It's my hair James has just threatened.**

Don't be so dramatic, Padfoot. It's only a hair-cut.

**I'm not afraid of dying half as much as I'm afraid of getting my hair cut.**

_What did Prongs say about not being so melodramatic? Sometimes it's as though you're convinced your life is actually a play._

I think he is convinced of it, Moony.

**Try to prove me wrong. What proof do we have that we are actually living, that we are not acting in some sort of play that people who are a thousand times our size are watching somewhere?**

**Now that I think about it, you're right. We have no proof.**

You're giving me a headache.

_You are the craziest human being on this earth, Padfoot. _

**Thank you, Moony.**

As the Gryffindor's Quidditch team Captain, I must insist, Padfoot. The finals are next week, and how are you going to be able to play if you can't see anything because of your long, albeit beautiful, hair?

_Discreet flattering is a clever trick._

Thank you, Moony… your comment just ruined it.

_Prongs is right, though. Cutting a few inches won't do no bad._

**A few INCHES?? Do you want me dead?**

_What if I cut it? I swear to you I won't cut a lot. Don't you trust me?_

**I suppose I do… **

_You could have said something more enthusiastic, like "Of course I do, Moony!"_

**Of course I do, Moony!**

_And something that would sound natural…_

**Oh, hell, Moony, I'm agreeing with the idea of you cutting my hair! On top of that, do I have to beg you?**

_That was better._

Good. When will that exceptional event take place?

_Tonight, if Sirius is okay with it. _

**Alright… I'll have a whole day to say goodbye to my hair then.**

Thanks to you, McGonagall caught us laughing our heads off again… oh well, it was worth it. Since when do people say goodbye to their hair, Padfoot? You know they can't understand you, don't you?

**I'll miss them. You don't understand.**

_No, I don't._

**They like you, though.**

_Do they?_

**Yes. They think you are highly intelligent, for a commonly light brown-haired person.**

_James, tell me I'm not having this conversation._

I'm sorry, you are.

_Bloody hell._

**Wow. Moony swearing? Is it the apocalopse?**

_Apolcalypse, Padfoot... bloody apocalypse!_

We really need to cut your hair, Padfoot, or we will all go mad.

_If that's not done already. I believe Padfoot's insanity has contaminated us._

Well, Lily did tell me several times that I was mental.

_See. _

**I think there's nothing wrong with being mental.**

_That's because you are mental._

**Oh. Makes sense. By the way, Moony, I've just remembered. Last night I finished that book you lent me, The Importance of Being Earnest.**

_You've already finished it? But, Sirius, I only lent it to you four months ago!_

**Well it is complicated to read, Moony.**

_Yes, I suppose its intellectual level is slightly superior to Which Broomstick's. _

**I should write my own play, called The Importance Of Being Serious.**

_What an original title!_

**You're just jealous because you can't make a pun with your name. The Importance of Being Remus, that doesn't mean anything. But I shall create a character named Moonykins, who would be the most bloody sarcastic human being ever. **

_And I suppose you will also have a character named Sirius, who you will depict as being funny, handsome and clever, and who will have every woman at his feet._

**You got it, Moony. I can't help it. Sexy is my middle name.**

_I doubt that Sirius Sexy Black would look good on your family tree. But I'm fairly impressed that you remember the book's title. Maybe I actually contributed to giving you a __semblance of culture. _

**I even remember who wrote it. Oscar bloody Wilde.**

_I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult one of my favourite authors._

**Oh, excuse me, Moony. Excuse me, O fabulous Mr Wilde!**

_Why do you always have to turn everything into ridicule?_

**Because.**

_Remind me how old you are, Sirius?_

**Seventeen, sir. Well I'll be, next month.**

_Are you sure you don't mean seven?_

**You know, Moony, I was sure you were going to say that. You really have to be more creative. Anyway, what are you daydreaming about, Prongs?**

I'm wondering how Lily and I will call our children.

**Don't know why I'm even asking. It seems that all your thoughts involve Evans. Do you ever stop thinking about her?**

Er, when I play Quidditch. I guess.

**Depressing. **

I was thinking of Lily, for a girl.

**Depressing. **

And, for a boy, I rather like Severus.

_There was no need for shouting, Padfoot. Prongs was only joking._

Of course I was! I don't want my son to be named after a smelly git. Anyway, seriously, I'll probably call him John after my father, or Harry after my favourite uncle.

**Yeah, your Uncle Harry is a funny man.**

Funniest guy I've ever met.

**Aren't I the funniest guy you've ever met? Prongs, you've just broken my heart!**

I'm sorry, Padfoot. But you're still the craziest person I've ever met.

**I hope so.**

_Don't worry. No one will ever be able to compete with you on that field._

I'm curious to know how Lily will name our – I mean, her children.

* * *

Hi Lily!

Potter. It's been a while.

Well, I've been busy with the coming Quidditch finals, you know. Missed me?

Terribly.

I was wondering, what names do you like? Do you know which names you'll give to your children?

Why on earth do you want to know that?

I'm just bored.

Okay, I'm slightly bored too. I'll answer you. If it's a girl it will be Elizabeth or Laura. If it's a boy, I like David and Harry.

Harry? Really? I want to name my son Harry, too! That's the proof we are meant to be together, Lily.

I don't believe you.

_It's true, Lily._

Oh. Did I write Harry? I meant Barry, really. Now I'd like to listen to what Slughorn is saying.

I can't believe it! It's fate! Lily and I will have a son named Harry. What will your children be called, Moony?

_Probably Wolf number 1 and Wolf number 2. The youngest one will go by the affectionate nickname of Wolfie. _

Why not call one Sarcasticness?

_I'll think about it._

**Might I suggest a beautiful name which starts with an S and ends, magically, with another S?**

_No way. One of my strongest principles is that one Sirius in this world is much enough._

**What about your children, Padfoot?**

_For human race's sake, I keep hoping that won't happen. Imagine Sirius as a father._

I can't.

_That's precisely what I meant._

**I'm sure I'll be a great dad! I don't know about the names, though. But I have decided I won't have any daughters. I'll never be able to understand how females' minds work.**

_And what will you do with your baby if it's so unfortunate as to be a girl?_

**I'll give it to you, Moony, of course.**

_What scares me is that you say this as though it's the most natural thing in the world, as if you've got it all planned._

**But I have got it all planned. Accidents happen, you know. **

_Well I really don't want a child with your genes, Sirius, thank you very much._

**Come to think of it, Moony, you're already kind of my father, always there to pester me to do my homework or to wash my teeth...**

_And I thought this conversation couldn't get any weirder..._

With Sirius, it can always get weirder.

**One thing I know, is the first thing I'll teach my children.**

_And what would that be?_

**How to annoy you.**

* * *

**¤ author's note ¤** Okay, so I made an effort to make it longer, and it is, almost twice as long as an average previous chapter. And I'm really satisfied with it, so I hope you liked it too, please leave a review! Pretty please with a Sirius on top! 

And, everyone, please think about me tomorrow (Tuesday, 11th), 8 A.M. Paris's time, if you're not sleeping, because I'm taking my driving license and in France it's difficult to have it. Send me good vibes!


	14. Mirror, Mirror

**¤ author's note ¤** Thank you so much for the reviews! I'll try to make the story 20 chapters long if I can, but I'm afraid I won't have the time to write long chapters.

Just to remind you: **Sirius** James _Remus_ Peter. Mid-September, 7th year.

As a curiosity, the snoring thing, the passage about Snape and the mirror thing were inspired by my best friend Marie who actually _said_ one of Sirius's lines (the tenth one, if you want to know).

* * *

CHAPTER 14/ MIRROR, MIRROR 

I already love seventh year.

_Really? Even with Lily being mad at you for being Head Boy?_

Yes. She was mad on the first day, but then it got better. It's been two weeks now and we're kind of getting along. Yes, it's definitely improving! Lily smiled at me twice today, and it's only three in the afternoon!

**Awesome! Can I do my victory dance?**

_I think we'll pass._

**The only good thing in having Potions with the Slytherins is that we can look at Snape and laugh at him. **

He looks like he's tried to wash his hair, doesn't he? Pathetic.

**He doesn't look like anything I've seen before.**

Yet anything looks better than him.

_You think you're funny but you're just…_

**Hilarious?**

_You always read my mind…_

**I know. But Moony, you look really tired. I'm worried about you.**

_I haven't slept well. I wonder why…_

**Is it the full moon approaching?**

_No._

**Did you spend the whole night thinking about Allison?**

_No._

**Were you missing James? I miss him since he's been made Head Boy, you know.**

_No._

**Ah. Are you going to lecture me about my so-called snoring again? **

_You got it._

**I don't snore. I just breathe louder than most people do. **

_That's the most stupid self-justification I've ever heard. _

**It's the truth! Prongs, help me!**

I'm sorry to say this, Padfoot, but you do snore.

**Arg! Wipe that satisfied smirk off your face, Moony!**** It doesn't suit you.**

_Well I must admit YOU would know exactly what expression suits you. Do you even know how long you spent looking at yourself in the mirror this morning?_

**I don't know. Five minutes?**

_More._

**Ten?**

_More like fifteen. _

**Well I like to look good.**

_Why do I __feel __the remark was aimed at me_

**Fortunately for you, I am your fashion adviser. Without me I'm afraid you'd look a mess.**

_Thank you. _

**You're welcome. You probably wouldn't be dating Allison if it weren't for me. **

_You did help me a little, but I think you're going a little bit too far. I've been dating Allison for five months now, I know I would have dated her even if you didn't exist._

**If I didn't exist? Oh, Moony, how could you imagine a world without me? **

It would be boring.

**Definitely.**

_I've got to agree._

**Thank you! I feel loved!**

_Guys, why do we always make him even more conceited? He doesn't need that. Padfoot, stop it with the freaky smile._

**It's not freaky, it's happy! **

_Hmm I did notice Venus seemed to like it._

**Really?**

Aha! You're interested!

**Not at all.**

Stop the whole denial thing, Padfoot. It's not working.

**Alright... maybe I like her. **

_Maybe?_

Padfoot is blu-shing! Had you ever seen such a thing, Moony?

_No. But it's a very interesting phenomenon. _

**I hate your goofy smiles.**

_Now you know what it's like to be me._

**I'm sorry, Moony. I had not realized how annoying it was.**

_Yes, you had. That's why you always do it. Don't think I don't know you. _

**Here, better now?**

_Did you have to hug me in the middle of a Potions class?_

**It's your fault, you looked like you needed a hug. **

_And you look like you need a hair cut._

**Nooo! Spare me, spare me! Have mercy!**

_Do you remember the day I cut Sirius's hair, James?_

Perfectly. How could anyone forget it? I bet the whole school could hear Sirius's screams, especially when you got out the scissors.

**No! Not the scissors!**

_Scissors, Sirius. Click, click..._

**You are cruel. **

_I quite enjoyed cutting your hair. It was fun to see your face. _

The Silencio spell was indispensable, though.

_I only wish we had put the spell on him sooner, but we didn't think he would shriek so much. _

Now that I think about it, Padfoot, your shrieks were a little bit girly. I guess people must have thought one of us was having a good time with a girl in the dormitories. Or, more likely, that you and Moony were shagging, since they could also hear Moony roar, "Shut up, Sirius!".

**That's where the rumours come from, then. **

Yeah.

**Well, no offence, Moony, but I prefer them with less hair and more boobs.**

_I don't take offence. If I were a girl, you would have to pay me to go out with you. _


	15. In Another Land

_We would like to apologize profusely for the delay, but, most likely, it will happen again as Gaby starts college on Monday._

**Poor her.**

_Not everyone hates classes, Padfoot._

**Everyone except Moonykins.**

_I told you to stop calling me that._

**Moonykins and I would like to thank all the reviewers.**

_Don't get angry, Remus. Not worth it._

**You're perfectly right, dear Moonykins.**

_On to the story, before I kill Sirius._

* * *

CHAPTER 15/ IN ANOTHER LAND 

**I'm hungry.**

_I never knew a time when you weren't..._

**I didn't eat enough, because there was a worm in the apple I ate at lunch.**

**We know. You told us several times already. Go and complain to the house elves.**

**I swear there was one.**

We didn't see it.

**You're bloody blind, Prongs. That's why you wear glasses.**

Well Moony's sight is perfect, and he didn't see any worm either.

**I'm going to ask Evans, seeing that she wants to be a Healer. I've got a problem, Evans. Do you think eating a worm can kill you?**

I've always thought you did crazy things, but eating worms, honestly...

**Hey, I didn't do it on purpose! Who do you take me for?**

Sirius Black.

**You've got a point... but can't you please cure me, Lily? I'm in pain. Unbearable pain.**

I want to heal people, but I can't heal you: only your mind is sick.

**There is a worm in my stomach at this moment, and nobody cares about it! It's going to eat my insides! One by one, my organs will disappear.**

_When is this ridiculous tale of Padfoot's imaginary adventures going to end?_

**There is nothing more real than this. I'm not going to die, Moony, am I? No, don't answer. I know I am.**

_I won't give you the pleasure of arguing further about this silly matter. You always want to argue about things._

**That's exactly what things were originally made for.**

_Maybe you're insisting on this imaginary worm because there is something that you don't want to tell us, and that you don't want us to notice. _

**Moony, you're too clever for your own good... But why don't you leave Prongs and Wormtail in the Blissful Land of Ignorance?**

Well I'd rather be in Blissful Land of Ignorance than in Big Bastards Country. In case you haven't noticed, that's where you are right now.

**I'm sure you know the place too.**

_No, I believe Sirius can be found in Happy Couple Land._

**Remus! Why do you say that? What do you know?**

_I might have seen hmm... things._

**If anyone is looking for Remus Lupin, he is in Maddeningly Mysterious Land, where everyone is being fucking esoteric. **

_How do you know this word, Sirius?_

**Every once in a while I open your dictionary and learn a word to impress you. You should have seen your face.**

_I'm flattered. _

So, Moony, what have you seen?

_Sirius must know it. What did you do last night?_

**What? You've seen me pulling that prank on Snape? I wanted it to be a surprise!**

_No._

**I got into a fight with Dolohov.**

_Blimey, how much mischief you can cause in a single night... But still no. _

**Ah, the other thing.**

When you try to be vague and careless about something, it usually means you really care about it.

_Exactly. _

**What's that other thing, then?**

**Alright, I'll tell you. It's just that we'd said we'd keep it to ourselves for a while.**

Sirius. You can't keep anything to yourself.

**I know! That's what I told her. But anyway... I kissed Venus.**

Yay! I'm so glad for you, Padfoot. And for Venus. Merlin knows we were wondering when you two would jump on each other.

**Don't tell me you've made bets.**

I'm sorry, we did.

**Prongs! We'd said there wouldn't be any bet without me! **

**Anyway, how was it?**

**Oh, it wasn't that good, to tell you the truth... A big disappointment. **

**Really?**

**Of course not, Wormtail! It was... it was like heaven. **

**Right.**

**Don't you all laugh at me!**

Sorry, it's just that I usually use the cheesy lines and you always laugh at me for it. First one you've used since we know you.

**Okay, that's quite fair. But it was really, really, really good. Moony, you don't have anything to say about it?**

_I don't write because I'm too busy laughing._

**I can see that... but will you be kind enough to tell me why, when you're back from Maddeningly Mysterious Land?**

_Because I didn't see anything last night. It was just a guess, when I saw how you and Venus were looking at each other this morning._

**You brain will be the death of me, Moony.**

_I thought the worm was already killing you._

**Stop writing to me, Moony. One can only bear so much cleverness.**

_I can be stupid if you want me to._

**No, you can't. I'm the only one who can be stupid at will. Well, Prongs can do it sometimes, too... It's more difficult than it seems.**

**I have a theory about this. I believe one half of your brain is extremely intelligent, and the other one is stupid and completely crazy.**

That makes sense!

_I'm beaten. I take back what I said, I probably haven't got an ounce of stupidity in me._

**As always, my friends, we come to the same conclusion: Sirius was right.**

* * *

**And don't forget to leave a review, if you want to make Moonykins happy!**

_You can all say goodbye to Sirius. We're sending him to St Mungo's psychiatric department, where he belongs._


	16. A Love Poem

**Author's Note:** Hi guys! Sorry for the delay. Unfortunately, I don't know when I'll be able to update next. I hope this chapter isn't too bad (I also know it's short), but it's hard to come up with something funny when you're stressed. Please keep on reviewing, I still love hearing your thoughts about the chapter! Thanks.

* * *

CHAPTER 16/ A LOVE POEM

I kissed her!

**Yes, I think you told us once or twice…**

I kissed Lily Evans! Yay!

**Since you're not going to leave us alone with that, I might as well ask: how was it?**

Wet… because it was raining.

**You guys are insane, kissing under the rain. **

_And now Lily is ill and spending the day in the hospital wing._

I am sorry for her, but it was worth it. I feel like there are still stars shining in my brain.

**I am worried about you, Prongs. **

You don't need to, Padfoot. Now that Lily is with me, I'll be forever happy.

**Great! You'll never be mad at us then, no matter what we do?**

_I'm scared._

So am I. Take that evil look off your face, Padfoot.

**I'm only trying to take profit of your current state of mind.**

_Because, naturally, that's what best friends do..._

**Naturally.**

Anyway, now I need an extra thing to really impress her, to make her realize she can't live without me any more.

_What are you going to do?_

Write her a poem.

_Prongs, you're incapable of writing anything remotely close to a love poem._

Maybe you guys could help me out.

**Sure.**

I only meant Remus, actually.

**And why do you think I can't write a poem?**

_You rhymed 'lost' with 'toast' and 'sea' with 'pee'._

**That was in second year!**

_And you've improved your writing skills so much since then!_

Mean Moony. You made Padfoot cry.

_Sure... Lily, help me persuade James not to try and write you a poem if you don't want your new boyfriend to be exposed to everlasting ridicule._

James, this is not serious. Remus is right.

Moony! You weren't supposed to tell Lily about it!

Really, this is very cute of you, but this isn't a good idea. I don't need you to write a poem anyway.

But, Lily!

No buts, James!

No!! I hate this expression. My mother always uses it to tell me off.

**He forbade us to use it.**

Well I don't like to be told what I'm not to do by someone who has no official authority whatsoever. No buts, James.

**That's easy for you to say, with James you can get away with pretty much anything. **

Not true. Take that back.

**No, I won't.**

Yes you will.

**Never.**

You're such a child.

**Well at least I don't let my girlfriend rule my life like you do.**

_**Easy, Sirius. Nobody's ruling anybody's life, okay? We all know you're a free spirit, don't worry.**_

_If somebody was ruling your life, Sirius, we'd have to take them to Azkaban for making such a messy job out of it._

**I don't even remember what we were talking about before that.**

_That must be because your ability to attention spans about five minutes._

**In my defence, I'm hungry.**

_You always are._

_**It's only three in the afternoon!**_

**Not for my stomach.**

We knew you brain was deranged, now your stomach is too. Is there anything about you that functions well?

**Since you ask me, there is something...**

_**Don't answer.**_

**Why do you always think I'm going to say something dirty?**

_**Because you always say something dirty.**_

You were going to, weren't you? We know you.

**I'm supposed to be unpredictable.**

_**Key word here being 'supposed'.**_

Anyway, about the poem thing, it's such a shame, because Lily rhymes with pretty and lovely, and lots of other words.

**Yeah, you could have produced some pretty good lines with that.**

Beautiful, James, absolutely breathtaking.

Don't you agree with us, Lily?

I probably would, if I were five years old.

**Girls, why are you so mean to us?**

You don't have to, you know.

_**We don't have to, we just like to.**_

What are we supposed to answer to that?

**It's kissing time?**

_**It's slapping time.**_


	17. The Return Of The Right Eye

**¤ author's note ¤** As always, thanks very much for the reviews, even if there are less reviews than for the previous chapter, I don't know why. I hope you like this one, I just wrote it, in about forty minutes, so please leave a review! I hope I'll be able to update quite soon.

* * *

CHAPTER 17/ THE RETURN OF THE RIGHT EYE 

Hello !

You have already wished me good day twice.

Beautiful day, isn't it? It's quite cold, though.

We're in December, I'd be surprised if it wasn't… But if you're talking about the weather, it means you've caused mischief again.

Why? Can't someone talk about the weather and really mean it?

James.

Oh, Lily, don't glare. Please.

Tell me what you've done, then.

**You know, I don't want to interfere, but she sounds like your mum, mate.**

Mind your own business, Sirius.

**But I'm bored.**

Ask Venus to entertain you.

_**Oh no. In no way will I do that. You have no idea what the word 'entertain' involves for Sirius.**_

I don't think we want to know. Anyway, James, what have you done?

I lost that Muggle book you lent me.

**Lost as in threw it in the fire and be done with it?**

No. Lost as in really lost. But I'll find it, it can't have disappeared, can it?

_Actually, it can. You know, with a spell._

You're not helping my case, Moony.

James, I told you I loved that book. Why are you always so careless?

I'm sorry, Lily.

**Maybe Snape stole it from you to piss you off.**

Why do you always have to blame Severus for everything? 

Sirius, you're making it much worse!

You'd better find the book, James. Now please stop writing to me, I'd like to pay attention to McGonagall.

**Don't worry, Prongs, it's not a great loss anyway. Books are a general waste of time. I think you can find things to do with Lily that are much more interesting.**

_And I think you can find things to say that won't make us think you're always having perverted thoughts, because, reassure us, you're not, right?_

**Of course I'm not. Especially when I'm looking at McGonagall. However, when I'm looking at my gorgeous girlfriend, you can't expect me not to… **

_**Sometimes I feel like an object.**_

**I know what this feels like. I've got fangirls, you know.**

_**And you're proud of it. Prick.**_

**Venus, would you rather keep your right eye or your left eye? **

_**What?**_

**Just changing the subject, ****hoping that you won't be mad at me.**

_**I'm not mad, you are.**_

**Well I'd rather keep my right eye.**

Oh, Merlin, not again. Please have mercy on us.

_What do you mean, not again?_

Sirius once brought up this weird subject, on a day when you were in the hospital wing.

_I hate to ask, but I'm curious. Why the right eye?_

No! Moony! Not the slightly darker shade of grey thing! I'm going to cry.

**You spoiled it all. **

Just trying to keep our sanity.

**Sane is boring, Prongs.**

Maybe, but there are limits.

_The limit being not asking yourself what eye you'd rather keep._

**I've crossed the line a long time ago, then. But why not ask yourself this?**

_BECAUSE IT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, THEREFORE IT IS COMPLETELY PREPOSTEROUS, POINTLESS AND DEFINITELY NOT WORTH OUR SHORT TIME ON THIS EARTH WHERE UNFORTUNATELY SOME PEOPLE WITH ABNORMALLY SHINY HAIR LIVE AND __DRIVE US INSANE._

**Really? You think my hair is shiny? Oh Moony, you know I love you too. But why do you look so edgy? Is it your time of the month?**

I think you just killed him.

**He used capital letters.**

You know what that means. He was on the edge of the cliff.

**And you pushed him.**

Now he's banging his head on his desk.

**And he got detention.**

**All this thanks to me.**

I hope you're being sarcastic here.

**I thought we weren't allowed to use that word. **

You weren't obliged to do your stupid wild gestures. I got it.

**It's fun to do. You should try it.**

Yeah, right.

_I am coming back from the dead (I died of a brain explosion, by the way), to tell you to stop being sarcastic. I am the Master._

**Good to see you again, Moony. But I was serious before, is it your time of the month?**

_That's it, Sirius, you've just won your ticket to St Mungo's Psychiatric Department. _

**A free ticket? Cool!**

**Uh... is it?**

**Hey, people, I was joking! J-O-K-I-N-G.**

_We know how to spell, thank you._

**I was just emphasizing my point.**

_I'm taking you to St Mungo's after classes, Padfoot. _

**But, Moony! I won't be happy over there!**

_Yes you will. You'll live with people who are exactly like you._

**People who are handsome, funny and awe-inspiring? Sounds great.**

I'm sure they'll answer your beloved question of which eye you'd rather keep.

**I've thought about that. I think I'd rather keep my right eye too, so that Padfoot could use my left eye and I could use his.**

Ugh, that's disgusting, Wormtail!

**Wormtail, you're going with me.**


	18. In Which Sirius Is Bored Again

**¤ author's note ¤** Thanks again for the impressive number of reviews! I'm glad so many people enjoy reading this. Although I must say** I know this chapter is not up to my usual standard**, but I really wanted to update and I **don't have the time** to write anything better, so please bear with me. Most of it was actually written months ago when I first had the idea for this fanfic.

* * *

CHAPTER 18/ IN WHICH SIRIUS IS BORED... AGAIN 

_**Do you think **__**McGonagall heard me?**_

**Heard what?**

_**Me c**__**alling you a wanker.**_

You called Sirius a wanker?

_**It's my affectionate nickname for him. **_

**This girl is mad. Anyway,****Vee, what did Benjy Fitwick want to talk to you about?**

_**Er, do I have to answer that?**_

**Yes.**

_**Just don't be furious. He asked me if everything was fine between you and me because he had seen us arguing, and told me that if we were to break up he would love to be my boyfriend. **_

**I'm not furious. I'm livid. **

_**Poor Benjy. He's fancied me since fifth year, you know. **_

He seems rather desperate.

_I wouldn't like to be mean, Prongs, but don't you know someone else who did that? _

Thanks for reminding me.

**Anyway, I guess I've got nothing to fear from him, do I?**

_**If I tell you you'll be arrogant. I'll just say: no comment.**_

**Does this happen to you often? Guys asking you out?**

_**If I tell you you'll be worried. I'll just say: no comment.**_

**I really wish McGonagall allowed you to wear your shirt shorter, Vee. It's such a waste of legs. Do you think she would listen to me if I went to ask her? **

_**We don't want our skirts shorter, Sirius, thank you. **_

**Why not?**

_**Do I ask you to walk around the school bare-chested?**_

**I would do it if you asked me.**

_**That's because you are mental. **_

**What I like about you is your immense kindness.**

_**What I like about you, is when you shut up your pretty face.**_

* * *

[ Five minutes later… 

_**Hey, I'm sorry you got detention because you answered me.**_

**Why are you sorry? Thanks to you I'm sure to beat James at our detention contest. **

_**You're so desperate.**_

**Am not. ****I thought girls liked bad guys.**

_**Wanker**_

**You should draw a heart around this word…**

_**Fuck you.**_

**With pleasure.**

_**You're hopeless.**_

**Thanks. I love you too.**

_**I do love you, wanker. Sometimes I wonder why.**_

**Because I'm irresistibly funny, handsome, clever, and sexy?**

_**It wasn't a question, but, yes, that's probably why.**_

**You doing anything tonight?**

_**Yeah I'm seeing my boyfriend. Only, he seems to have forgotten... You asked me two days ago, you wanker!**_

**What, after we won the Quidditch match? I think I was drunk.**

_**For the record, I rolled my eyes to your lack of sensibility.**_

**I'm sorry. **

_**Don't give me your puppy eyes.**_

**Aren't they cute?**

_**They're too cute for me to refuse you, so stop it. You need to be punished.**_

**Sounds good to me.**

_**I'm not writing to you any more. **_

**Moony****? You there?**

_I'm listening to McGonagall, something which you should be doing too. _

**Yeah, right. I'm an Animagus, remember?**

_You shouldn't write this.__ Anyone could read that paper._

Remus is right. 

**Hey Lily, you're not supposed to read our notes, are you?**

And you're not supposed to write notes in class, are you?

_Good one._

* * *

[Ten minutes later... 

**I'm bored.**

_2004th._

**What ?**

_It's the 2004th __time you say you're bored since third year._

**Oh Moony, you counted! How cute!**

_I was getting bored with you saying you were bored, so I decided to count. That was a long time ago._

**That's impressive, though. 2004 times.**

_I know. I get worried for you sometimes, Padfoot._

**That's nice of you, but you shouldn't, I'm perfectly fine.**

You call it fine, I call it mental!

**Don't annoy me Lily. I might be your brother-in-law some day.**

Write that off, Padfoot, will you.

James, I've already read.

Oh. Padfoot, you're dead.

_**Do I have my word to say here? **_

**Coming to my rescue? **

_**I was more thinking about suggesting a painful, slow way to kill you.**_

**Thanks. But Moony wouldn't let you guys kill me, because he loves me****, right?**

_What would we do without you, Padfoot? No, I wouldn't let them._

**Aha! At least SOMEONE in this world loves me. **

You're pathetic.

_Don't wor__ry for his sanity, he doesn't actually mean half of what he says._

That's so true!

**Moony! You killed me!**

_Sorry, but this is__ the truth!_

**You're all laughing at me again. **

_**Laughing at you is much more diverting than listening to Professor Binns.**_

**I guess. ****But we could laugh at somebody else, say, Snape?**

Okay.

Wrong answer, James.

Sorry… I meant to say NO WAY!

**Don't let her rule you, Prongsie! You've got to rebel!**

Shut up, Sirius.

**I can't shut up, because I'm not talking, Lily! I am writing! Got you.**

… _99__th_

**What?**

_99__th__ time you write this on a note since second year. _

**How cool! I'll make it to a hundred if I write it one more time!**

_Not if I burn that paper first!_


	19. Of Consciences, Love & Rabbit Ears

CHAPTER 19/ OF CONSCIENCES, LOVE & RABBIT EARS

**Remus?**

_What is the problem, Sirius?_

**Why do you think there is a problem?**

_Because when you call me Remus and not Moony it's because there is a problem._

**Damn it, you are freaky, you know that?**

_Yes, I do. I don't think the use of a swear word was necessary, though._

**It is always fucking necessary. Ha ha, I'm just annoying you. Anyway, the problem is that I screwed up.**

_No, really? Ah, let me enjoy this oh so rare moment. _

**Remus…**

_Okay, okay, you are being serious. _

**See, I'm not even making The Pun.**

_That's certainly saying something. Go ahead, tell me what's your problem._

**I don't know how to say it… it sounds stupid. **

_You know I won't make fun of you._

**Yes, I know. That's why I didn't go to Prongs. The thing is, I think I might be in love.**

_I see. _

**It's just a thought I've been having, you know.**

_I see._

**Because I've realized that I've never felt for any other girl the way I feel for Venus, but I'm not sure it's love because I've never been in love before.**

_I see._

**Remus won't you stop repeating 'I see'?**

_Sorry. It's just that I … well, I see._

**You're smiling. You do know you're making it worse, don't you?**

_I'm helping you: I agree with you in saying you are in love. I know you well and I've never seen you like this._

**Oh Merlin. **

_It's not a disease, Sirius._

**Really? Considering the things being in love did to Prongs, I wouldn't quite agree. **

_Prongs is Prongs and you are Padfoot._

**Wow, that's philosophical. **

_Blame it on McGonagall, I stayed up late last night finishing the essay, and now you're expecting me to be philosophical at nine in the morning. Anyway, what I meant is that love has different effects on people, you know. Overall it's not a bad thing. But what did you mean by 'I screwed up'?_

**Do you promise not to hit me?**

_I do._

**Venus took me completely by surprise last night by telling me she loved me and I didn't know what to say. **

_You didn't say anything?_

**Not really... Hey, you had promised not to hit me!**

_Quoting you and Prongs' favourite excuse, you asked for it. Honestly, Sirius!_

**But now I've thought it through and I think I could tell her but she won't listen to me.**

_How am I supposed to help you?_

**Er, I don't know... you always seem to have an answer to every problem. **

_I'm glad you think so, but you're quite mistaken. I don't know what I can do for you. Maybe talk to Venus... but I wouldn't be too comfortable, I mean you've got to tell her, you know, not me._

**Alright. **

_I'll talk to her after classes, I promise. I'll tell her just to listen to you, okay?_

**Thanks, Moony. Don't make fun of me but... I feel nervous about this.**

_I'd be worried if you weren't. It's going to be alright. _

What are you guys talking about? How come I'm not included in the conversation?

**Because you're too busy exchanging nauseating lovey-dovey smiles with Lily.**

I always do that, it's hardly an excuse.

**I think I preferred it when she snarled at you, it was funnier to watch and at least it did not make me want to be sick. **

_Don't mind him, Prongs. He's not in his normal state._

Does Sirius have a normal state?

_Good point._

He's sulking now.

_Well, you know his sulking never lasts more than five minutes._

You're right. He looks a lot like a dog when he does that.

**Shut up, you stag.**

There's nothing wrong with being a stag. Stags are magnificent.

**But dogs are a man's best friend!**

That's why I believe you should make the change permanent. You really have a sweet disposition as a dog.

**But you are a nasty stag.**

_Won't you two stop it?_

We're just pretending to argue.

_I know, but still._

**Besides, it makes you smile.**

_I wonder why I'm writing notes to you instead of listening to the class._

**Because it's more fun!**

You can't say the contrary, Moony.

**By the way, Moony, I dreamt that you had rabbits ears. It didn't suit you too well, I must say. And instead of turning into a wolf once a month, you turned into a giant white rabbit. A talking rabbit. And you kept saying how you and your giant rabbits friends were going to take over the world. **

Padfoot, your dreams are rather worrying.

_Euphemism... _

**In my dream, or rather, nightmare, Venus also declared her undying love for Snape. She also had rabbit ears... though it looked quite cute on her.**

Ugh. Poor Padfoot, it must have been a traumatizing experience.

**It was.**

I still believe that Snape is responsible for everything bad on this earth.

**I completely agree with you, Prongs.**

_You are ridiculous. Snape isn't responsible for your mistakes, Sirius. _

**I hate it when you take your moralizing tone, Remus. **

Now our consciences sound like you.

**Yeah! When I'm going to do Something that Remus Lupin Would Consider Bad, I always hear your voice say, "You shouldn't do it, Sirius, you'll get in trouble,", but then I do it anyway and get into trouble, and then I hear you say, "I told you so!", and you laugh of that maddeningly patronizing laugh of yours.**

_I don't have a patronizing laugh. _

**In my brain, you do.**

_But then what did your consciences sound like before you met me?_

**We didn't have any.**


	20. In Which James Is Not a Pancake

CHAPTER 20/ IN WHICH JAMES IS _NOT_ A PANCAKE

**Thanks again, Moony.**

_I told you, you did the great part, I only went to tell her to listen to you._

And what did Padfoot do? He didn't go and talk to her and bloody tell her he loved her, no, he had to charm the whole common room so that it had little brooms and hearts flying everywhere, and the walls had 'I love you Venus' written on them, and there were even bubbles of bloody Firewhiskey all around and rock music and it was fucking good!

_Well, you know Sirius never takes the easy way. _

**You're just jealous because you weren't original with Lily, you just said 'I love you Lily' and kissed her and got your happy sappy ending. I made a party out of it!**

_**And it was amazing. **_

**Hey, stop reading our notes, you!**

_**James lets me read them and write. I like sitting next to James.**_

James is so great.

_Prongs, we recognized your handwriting!_

Oh you're no fun.

Here you go, now James is pouting.

**For a change.**

I like it when he's pouting though, he looks cute.

_**Yes, it fits his face.**_

I know just how sexy I look.

Now you just look arrogant.

Anyway… Padfoot, are you still there?

_You know how he is, he's not that interested when the conversation revolves around someone else than him._

**You're wrong! I take great interest in Prongs's person!**

Yeah right.

**Alright, I admit I am a selfish git.**

_**I'll keep that piece of parchment for the record.**_

**Anyway, what are we doing tonight? Up to some mischief, Prongs?**

Not tonight, I've got things to do.

**What things?**

I just need to organize my homework schedule for next week.

**A part of me just died. **

_It will do both of you good._

**Organize, Prongs?? As in sitting for hours doing pointless stuff like Moony does, while you could be pranking someone or playing Quidditch?**

Yes.

**Hello? Where has James Potter gone? **

**Maybe it's Moony who took Polyjuice Potion.**

_I'm here too, so I can't be Prongs._

**Unless Prongs is in Moony's body...**

**Exactly. **

**We need to make sure of it, Wormtail. We should ask them personal questions.**

_Oh Merlin..._

I do not like the sound of this. I do NOT like the sound of this!

**Prongs, what is the ridiculous nickname your mother gives you?**

I'm not answering that.

**But then how can we make sure you're Prongs and not Moony?**

I am NOT answering that. Period.

**You have to, Prongs. You need to clear our doubts.**

Remus, help me.

_I'm sorry. You know how Sirius is. He won't leave you alone._

Come on, Padfoot! I'm your best pal!

**What is the ridiculous nickname your mother gives you?**

Pancake.

**I cannot stop laughing. Every time it's the same. I can't barely restrain myself from sniggering every time your mother says it.**

You all laughed! Even Moony! I've never felt more embarassed in my life.

_Excuse me, but... Pancake? _

**It makes me hungry.**

Don't look at me like that, Peter. I'm not a pancake.

**Are you quite sure? **

Yes, I am QUITE positive I am NOT a pancake.

**That's a shame.**

I am a human being.

_And a stag._

**And a 'bullying toe-rag', in Evans's own words.**

**And... a pancake.**

For the umpteenth time, I am not a pancake.

What's this discussion about pancakes? And why do you all say that James is a pancake?

I AM NOT A PANCAKE!

_Calm down, Prongs, she wasn't calling you a pancake._

She was! She was! Oh, Lily how can yo do this to me?

You're mad. Sirius, did you have to contaminate my boyfriend?

**Well I'd rather be mad like me than a pancake like Prongs.**

**I'd rather be both.**

Remus, help me, I fear for my sanity.

_You should prepare yourself for this if you want to stick with James. Remember you'll always have Sirius around._

Oh, Merlin. 

**Come on, Lily! I'm not so bad! At least _I_ am not a pancake.**

If you ever call me a pancake again I'm going to castrate you.

**No! Anything but that! You can cut any part of my body but not this! It's the most useful.**

You're disgusting. And annoying. You started that pancake thing, Sirius, didn't you?

**Yes.**

Don't smile stupidly like you're proud of the stupid things you do.

**You're mistaken, Lily, it's my charming smile.**

Is it? I had not noticed.

_**Good one, Lily.**_

Thank you.

Aww, Padfoot is crying now! And I am oh-so-inclined to sympathise.

**Shut up, you pancake.**

This is it. After several threats, the time for Padfoot's Castration has now come.

**You're not going to do it. **

_**As much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn't let him do it anyway. **_

**Ha! **

I just liked the scared look on your face.

**I knew you weren't going to do it.**

And why wouldn't I do it?

**Because you're just a pancake.**

* * *

**¤ author's note ¤** There it was, the last chapter. Excuse me for the randomness of the pancake :) (and _yes_ James, we know you're _not_ a pancake). I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you'll thank me for not letting James castrate Sirius (I hate wasting good things). 

I'm going to miss you all sweet reviewers! But I won't have the time to write much for months, so I wanted to end it. Now you can always go read my other stories :)

**Also, please participate to the poll on my profile page so that I can know which one of my stories is your favourite.**

Now please do me a favour and click on the _submit review_ button! I always love it when you point out your favourite lines. Thank you.


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